The Ring ( Working Title)
Scene 2 following from last week's scene. Any feedback would be great.
EXT. BERLIN LIDO – DAY – 1938
The outdoor LIDO buzzes with sound of laughter, splashing, carefree shouts of TEENAGERS enjoying the sun.Two OFFICIAL GERMAN WOMEN in uniforms walk the edge of the pool, WHISTLES hanging from their necks. They scan the swimmers, keeping strict order. OTTO (15) sprints along the wooden jetty and leaps into the water with a loud splash. HANNAH GOLDMANN (15) lingers behind, wrapped in her towel. She watches the other girls, suddenly self-conscious of her changing body. She reaches the end of the jetty. Sits. Dips one toe into the water. She flinches.
HANNAH It’s freezing.
Otto turns in the water, grinning.
OTTO You get used to it. He slashes her playfully. Hannah gasps, then laughs. She scoops water and splashes him back.
HANNAH Hey! That’s not fair.Otto swims closer.
OTTO Come on. You don’t want to sit there all afternoon, do you?
Hannah hesitates. Her hand moves to her neck beneath the towel, a thin chain glints. A tiny KEY rests against her skin. The key to the jewellery cabinet. A symbol of trust… and the ring inside. She stands up. She takes a breath. Drops her towel and jumps in. Otto steadies her as she surfaces, spluttering, laughing.They paddle awkwardly. Nearby, OTHER TEENS laugh loudly. A GROUP OF BOYS point and whisper. One nudges another. Otto notices. Moves closer to Hannah, protective.
HANNAH They’re staring.
OTTO Let them.They stare at everything.
A beat.They float side by side.
HANNAH My mama says I must be back by four.
OTTO Then we’ll make the time count. He gestures to the far end of the pool.
OTTO (CONT’D) Race you to the steps?Hannah smiles shyly.
HANNAH You’ll cheat.
OTTO Only a little.They swim clumsily, laughing.Hannah reaches the steps first. She beams feeling proud.Otto splashes her playfully.
OTTO Alright, you win.But only because I was being kind. They splash each other, laughing.Then suddenly they stop.Float, facing one another.
A quiet beat.
A connection.Otto smiles, softer now.
OTTO Why are you smiling at me?Hannah tries to hide it, then doesn’t.
HANNAH You.
Otto grins.
OTTO Race you to the shore.
They swim hard toward the steps.As they near the edge A COMMOTION. Raised voices. A whistle shrieks. Nearby, a small GROUP OF BOYS taunt another CHILD in the water.The two OFFICIAL WOMEN rush over, blowing their whistles.
OFFICIAL WOMAN Out. Now.
The singled-out CHILD, clearly Jewish he lowers his head, climbs out of the water, gathers his clothes, and walks away alone.The pool’s laughter fades. Hannah and Otto watch.The mood shifts. Hannah’s hand tightens around the tiny key at her neck. Otto notices. He swims closer, takes her hand under the water.
OTTO (quietly) Come on. Let’s go.
Hannah nods.They climb out together. As they walk away from the Lido, Hannah glances back once, then forward, holding onto Otto’s hand, the small key pressing against her heart.
I'm usually pretty private about my scripts, and I might have to pull this down closer to pitching, but I'd love to get your thoughts! It's a young love story set in 1936 Berlin, just before the war. I can't spill all the details, but any feedback would be amazing. Otto is German, and Hannah is Jewish, and they're both 15. If this piques your interest, please reach out!